30. he's just not that into you - Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo

I am actually very surprised that I haven't written about this book yet because I actually finished it AGES ago .. But I think it might have been in my phase of being very lazy about updating. It's sad though because I remember that the whole time I was reading it I was thinking all these very witty things to say when I talked about it here and now they are wispy fragments of memory. But I will do my best.

See, I was determined not to read this book initially. There was so much hype and it was going to be so revolutionary and "everyone" was telling me that if anyone needed to read this book it was certainly me ... and I tend to not like doing things that "everyone" else thinks are good for me. Because I am stubborn and backwards like that. I'm working on it. But then I saw it on a shelf and it was pink (my downfall. how sad.) and 40% off and I was in a bad-boy space (again) and I decided it couldn't hurt anything. I didn't expect it to change my life but I thought it might just be worth picking up. So I did, telling myself the whole way home that I was going to hate it and it was going to be a lot of tripe and stereotyping all guys. And for the first few chapters I did kind of hate it.

But as I read more I could kind of see the broad point ... which I am not sure I can explain but was something along the lines of "people who treat you badly or in ways that make you feel inferior or not good about yourself are maybe not the best people to keep in your life and maybe you shouldn't make such an effort trying to keep those people so close". In a roundabout way. I didn't agree with every word and I thought that some of it was a lot of crap (I think I may have taken some of it too literally) but in the grand scheme of things I can accept where the authors were coming from. And again, in a broad sense, I can apply the book to my own life and say "yes, I am wonderful and fabulous in my own way and I deserve to be surrounded by people who will treat me like the Smart & Beautiful Girl(tm) that I am and I shouldn't have to chase people to get them to hang out with me and I shouldn't have to wait on people who don't respect me enough to be on time/call to say they are going to be late etc etc." Some days that mentality is a lot harder to hold on to but I am trying to live it and demand that respect. And I am also trying to be more respectful of others by responding to invitations as promptly as possible and being more aware of timelines and such. It's not always easy and I'm not always perfect but I'm making the effort.

I still think the book would be more aptly titled He's a Neanderthal who wouldn't know a good thing if it hit him square between the eyes; why are YOU still into HIM? Because the way it is now, the onus is still on the girl ... we're going to tell you that you are fabulous and you deserve better but there's still some reason that this guy or that guy just isn't into you and you should accept that and move on. And it is you, because one day that guy is going to meet some girl that he is into and suddenly become the amazing guy you always thought he could be if he made a little effort. That's the part I have trouble swallowing. But I can boil it down to this: That guy, for whatever reason, is treating you poorly. And you don't have to accept that. From anybody.